JAE Posting Finally Over!!

Oh yea!!! Posting results are out. I’m glad the wait is finally over. So for those who are curious of where I’m going, it will be to Singapore Polytechnic to get a diploma in Music and Audio Technology (I prefer to call it Music Technology). Of course, that course is not just about doing stuff like mixing sound and recording, but it also allows us to compose music and produce them on our own. Now that’s cool (at least to me). After all, I have wanted to do such stuff since I had both background in music and sound so I suppose this course is really like made for ppl like me, who loves to do sound and music at the same time.

Problem is…further study. Lol…so far only three overseas universities offers a degree program in Music Technology: University of Queensland (AUS), Keele University and Lancaster University (UK). So if I want to/have to further study on this course, traveling overseas might be the only option unless Singapore opens its newer universities with this course (hopefully, that’ll be the case). Nowadays, it very hard for degree holder to get a job, to a diploma holder it’s harder. Perhaps even if I can get a job with my diploma, it will most likely be of a lower status. It doesn’t really matter whether I end up the CEO of Creative Sound works or a mere sound technician in a church, so long as these skills are used for the glory of God and not mine, and that my family’s necessities are met (which I believe it will be). Well, just have to prayerful about it and trust in the Lord that he will guide me with His Holy Spirit to do his work and fulfill his will.

I sometimes wonder if I was testing God to see what he will do to save me now that I’m in a course that appears to have no bright future for me. Since it is difficult to further study this course, it would just mean I would have gotten myself into trouble now that finding a job becomes harder (nearly impossible) and then crying out to God, expecting him to save me. It’s like jumping off from the top floor of Swiss Hotel and expecting God to send his angels to rescue me. Of course, if send help to me would glorify God in some way (I dunno how), he might do it. I joined this course, not just for interest sake, but in hope that I may use my passion and aspirations to serve God with my interest in Music and Audio Technology. But I know that won’t be enough. First of all, I have yet to give up my aspirations and passion all to God and seek Him and His Kingdom, to simply put it, to pick up my cross and die to self daily. It is difficult to sometimes give up some things that you worked so hard for in hope that you will attain success in these things you place your hope on. Would I be able to give up being a Musician and a Sound Technician to seek God? To consider these things as rubbish as compared to knowing God? If there’s no sitting on fences, my answer is simply a no. Yes, it’s a NO, even though I as a Christian must give up everything I am for the Lord. I am still struggling to do just that. It just simply to give up my life to Christ, and yet I can’t do that simple bit…it is TRAGIC!!!

But in all of these, I do pray for God to change me slowly, to one day be able offer up myself as a living sacrifice to Him with little or no hesitation. That day will come when Jesus returns. :)

Well, it is exactly 3 more weeks before Music In My BackYard!!!! Aka MIMBY!!!! Anyone interested to come along? We will be celebrating Valentine’s Day with a few songs from Backstreet Boys, Colbie Calliat, Taylor Swift and Kris Allen, also songs from Chinese artiste such as Tanya Chua and Stefanie Sun. We guarantee a night full of fun and laughter and a little gospel sharing, where friends come together to chill out and catch up over scrumptious food and be entertained by the live band, in a warm and cosy atmosphere. Just like the name suggests, MIMBY is held in the backyard, under the stars!

So do come and enjoy celebrating Valentine lie you never did before!! Well, at least for my sake, because I will be performing on the Acoustic guitar, and will feel lonely without any familiar audience to play to. :P

So the Details:

• What?

MIMBY: Shape of My Heart

• When?

Saturday, 20 February 2010 6:00pm – 10:00pm

• Where?

Bedok Lutheran Church, BackYard 485 Bedok South Ave 2

So those interested to come to have fun with us, do contact me via sms or email

If you have Facebook, do also make your RSVP at:

http://www.facebook.com/events.php?ref=sb#/event.php?eid=267359663010&index=1

• For more information/enquiries, visit:

www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=175619682057

• or email MIMBY at:

musicinmybackyard@gmail.com

See You There!

2010: A night before the release of O'level Result

O level results will be released tmr!!!

Lol...some say that it will be released at 9am, but my school is going to release these results at 2pm instead so it should keep everyone in longer suspense :P. But not for me, I wouldn’t mind if the results were released sooner or later, it’s strange that I dun seem to be worried about the results at all such that I find it hard to empathise with the rest of my friends anxiously waiting for the results, calling me and ask : “ So Leon, do you feel anxious that the results are going to be released?”

And my reply would be: “No, not really. I guess I have done my best for the O’s, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Sometimes I wonder if what I said was true. Did I really do my best during the O’levels? Or am I saying that because there is no hope for the O’levels? It sometimes feels weird when you honestly ask yourself these questions. Well, it’s not that I don’t care about my results at all, I do, and in fact a lot, not only does it show me how I have fared for Secondary education but it also determine whether I get in to the courses I want in poly or alternatively the JCs I want (if I score 7 pts below) through the Joint Admission Exercise (JAE). Therefore, it is important that I get my results back.

I suppose the reason why I am not anxious fearful of my result is probably because there’s nothing really I can do much about my O’level results. I mean there is no way I can bribe the Cambridge markers to give me an A1 grade for all subject (even if there is I won’t -integrity). So with that, I shall just entrust my results to the Lord and know that he is always in full control every situation no matter how bad it is.

This past few months have been a very impactful period for most of us I suppose, for most of my friends, they have really changed in maturity since the last time I met them. Perhaps it due to their job experience that they turn from slackers to diligent workers. For others, it’s from muggers to couch potatoes worrying for their O’s – well at least they finally learned how to relax :P .

Well, for me, I have not been blogging for a extremely long time, not because I was trying to earn pocket-money, but rather I was ‘serving’ in the SYFC’s Performing Arts (PArts) ministry’s Short Serve in organising a mini-BBQ and a mini performance and ski put up by us for our friends, the event was called See A Clearer Christmas. In this, we hope to not only share the Christmas story aka Message aka Gospel to them but also to grow spiritually among ourselves as we work as bros and sis in Christ to do the work of God. For non-Christians need the gospel to be save while Christians need the gospel to grow. :)

Well, for the sharing part, it was a little disappointing because I did not exactly have a very good response there. Nevertheless, I know that it is not by our abilities that “convert” people into Christians but the Work of God in their lives. Intellectual wisdom does not produce faith but the Spirit is capable of changing hearts. The gospel has power and the gospel is power, we are just messengers who share the message just as it is and let the gospel do its work of transformation. So I pray for my friends that God will one day soften their hearts and open their minds to receive the gospel and be changed by it. :)

But I guess more importantly for myself, I have finally realised how I had been rejecting God this past few years of being a Christian, living my life without a true hope, blinded and fearful. That was when Randy (my boss) pulled me out after the event told me about my problem.

This is what I can roughly recall. He said, “I may not have known you as well as I know Seb and Alwin(my band mates), but from the time before short serve until now (end of short serve), I have seen them grow as Christians but I don’t see any of that in you...to put it explicitly, you love music, you love yourself more than you love God and Men. There had been many opportunities given to Love your fellow Christian (through talking with them I think during break time) but yet you chose do otherwise (to play the guitar during break time)...Leon, what’s stopping you from doing the right thing which God wants you to do.”

It can be seen as scolding but in a loving way – perhaps challenging me to think. I really thank God Randy did that or I would have been living my life and serving in church (as an audio technician) without a direction and purpose. This had always been the problem I had seen young, the fear of over commitments, fear of failures and mistakes and the need to be assured of my own confidence (meaning that I need ppl to tell me I’m good before I believe that I’m good). There also seem to be a barrier between my brothers and I as I tend to put on a ‘desired’ front to impress my bros to show my passion for Christ when I may not be. I have build this barrier in me, a barrier to hide my true self, a barrier to hide my weaknesses and appear to be superior to others, a barrier build by my own pride. This was why I was unwilling to share during devotions and sharing of fear that I might look bad in front of others. I had always wanted others to see me as a worthy person where in fact we are all of the same worth as God’s creation and people. Indeed, as I continue reflect on what I have been doing during this short serve, I realised that my focus was not on God. My focus was on playing music! All along I had used my service to God as a means to play music rather than using music as a means to serve God. Indeed, I loved music, I loved myself more than I loved God and loved my brothers and sisters and Christ.

I believe there were also other problems that I still have in me, of which some I may not know or may have forgotten, perhaps similar problems just shown in different context. To these problems there must be a solution right? So thus my New Year resolutions are:

1. Being honest with God, being honest with men

2. Putting my faith in God, rather than your own self confidence

Okay, basically being honest with God means to hide nothing from him, simply put it. Often of times, I would always hint to God that I wanted my own personal space to deal with my own personal problems by myself, often rejecting the help he offers me because I did not want to depend on God’s help (perhaps thinking that I have not played my part in my own problems when God comes to help). I always wanted to do things on my own before seeking for help if things go beyond my control---which often leads to failures. Because of this I was afraid of failing, afraid that I would lose face and lose my worth as Leon. Thus, I sometimes put up a strong front in front of others to cover up for my weaknesses, thus also being dishonest with men. To do so, I must first acknowledge that I need help and SEEK help from God, in prayer and petition, being willing to humble myself in front of God to know I cannot make it without God. From there, I will then be more willing to seek help from older bros in Christ to help me with my problems, as mentioned above. Another perspective I look at this would be also sharing these problems to peers with the same interest, to allow them to learn from my mistakes, my sins and thus also encourage one another to continually grow in Christ.

Putting my confidence on God is something I learned during a lunch meeting with Moses (my Bible Study leader). I shared to him about how I was worried that I was not ready to receive a Bible Study (BS) contact, basically not ready to be a BS leader because of the problems I have, as mentioned previously, about how I was unable to do God’s work naturally.

That was when he asked me, “How long does it take for one to learn how to be a true Christian?”

“A lifetime,” I replied

And indeed, it is true. As the Chinese saying goes “活到老，学到老” (live till you’re old, learn till you’re old). Indeed we grow as a Christian so long as we continue to live as one. That’s why we always need the Gospel, to grow. I realised that I usually dared not try new things, like leading in a BS group or sharing the gospel because I did not have the confidence to, in contrast to music where all my confidence seems to be found. Thus, in things we are called to do that we feel that we aren’t good at, we should learn to trust in the Lord that he will continue to guide us slowly and transform us to be more Christ-like in accordance to His plan for us, thus relying on Him and His word to change us daily and not on our own strength, for we ourselves can never reach God’s standard with our own abilities.

So for the year 2010, whether I will end up in Music and Audio Tech or Audio-Visual Tech or even JC. I will to continue to trust in the Lord that he will not just ‘groom’ me into a better Christian, but to slowly reveal himself to me through His word, that I will be honest with Him and His People, Rely on His Power to do His work and to live a life of a Redeemed Chao Lang*!

*Chao Lang(smelly man)- a person who cares for himself only