Day 1: Trip to UK

1.50am GMT+8, 17 September 2011

A flight to Dolha takes about 7 hours , even though the departure time and arrival time is 9.20pm and 12.20pm respectively. How strange it is to be somehow travelling 4 hours back in time in an airplane. Thinking about it, if there was such thing as time traveling, this could possibly be it, only that you don’t end up in the same place of same part of the world, and that you probably can undo what you have regretted doing.

But of course, 7 hours of flight is still no joke, especially when you have another 7-hour flight after this one. One may probably get sick of the plane. But nevertheless this 7 hours proves to be one of the best time to really think and reflect and think about the things I have done, the decisions I made, some of which were thought through, others just out of emotions.

One of which was the very reason I chose to go for this trip.

One particular reason for this trip was the exemption of General Elective Module (GEM) next semester – another compulsory module that is not in anyway related to my course. In exchange for this exemption, I will have to do a documentation of this entire trip, what we have done, what we have experienced, and what we have learned from each moment of improvisation. With this exemption, I can then have more time to concentrate on other important things, such as family time, ministry work, and of course year3 work. Though it may not seem to make much of a difference - since it’s like one lesson of 3 hours in a week - but considering the fact that I don’t have to spend time revising and doing GEM tutorial, I think it worth the challenge and the trip, after all, it’s during the holidays – the period of time that I am likely to spend time on all the wrong things.

I pretty much did not know what to expect, only waiting to be surprised when I get to Keele. As far I know, we are conducting a workshop in collaboration with Keele University on Improvisation for the Year1s who has just joined the university. There will also be a couple of performances that we’ll have to do there as well as another performance after this trip on the 20^th October.

Most of our instruments are not the conventional instruments that you will see in the rock band, and even if there were, they were not played in the same style as they would have been. Many of them will be found objects of the streets, little ‘pick-me-ups’ along the way in the time of our stay in Keele, things like PVC pipes, combs, frying pans, wooden planks, are what we have to look out for. Essentially, it is mainly about turning things that are not musical by convention into something musical, like stomp only that we are not rhythm centric.

As far as lodging is concern, we will be staying in the staff hostel of Keele University, where there should be a clothes cleaning services/equipments as well as rooms for two. So being first-time in UK, it will be a very unpredictable trip for me as well as my fellow companions in Sonic Escapade (our group name btw).

So for every trip, there must be an objective right? (Now got to think of some…)

1) Learning and Practicing improvisation skills

2) Getting to know and make friends with my seniors

3) Getting to know future opportunities that Keele has to offer for musicians like myself.

4) And lastly, to enjoy being in UK.

So yea…will continue to update you guys one what’s happening here in UK with the sonic escapade team whenever possible (because our schedule is really tight).

In the meantime, some pictures...

Valerie's Platypus Soft Toy, I'm missing Big Whale, Henry and Dorphy now (my soft toys)..

Writing journal in 2 languages! Skill sia...

Making use of every opportunity to charge our laptop, this was taken at a phone booth.

Our way of entertainment, while waiting for our gate to open.

Doha Airport, ver similar to Changi Airport right?

Waiting at Changi Airport Departure Gate...

No Love, No Gain

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing - (1 Corinthians 13:3)

This verse made me pondered for a while, it made me think if I had been spending time serving in vain – not that the work of the gospel is vanity (I Corinthians 15:58: ), but rather have I used to work so hard that I end up not loving others?

It struck me hard when I see my total negligence toward the family. There were times I could have helped to release my mother’s burden cleaning the floor, washing dishes, and drying clothes. Simple things even included informing her of my departure and arrival back home, telling them my plans for the week so that they have to worry less.

If I had gave my all for the ministry, worked late at night to do sound for a event so that the gospel would be shared, but have not bothered to meet the needs of people (especially my closest ones), I would have gained nothing.

“I don’t feel like you are a part of us anymore,” my mom sighed.

If my whole life is meant to be a ministry, if I have been freed to love others (Galatians 5:13-15), why then is my love for the family neglected? How can I say I love people when clearly this is not shown in my family life?

Recently my mother, brother and I had been debating over me going to project serve instead of finding a job or taking music theory exam. They talked about how getting a job would equip me to face the world, “would allow you to experience the social experience besides getting yourself some pocket money.”

I know where they are coming from, they wanted me to be realistic, if I can’t support myself, how am I to support others? But what if there was something else that could allow me to earn pocket money, and learn to do ministry, how is that not equipping??!! I couldn’t square it off, so I insisted on.

Then she talked about me serving in PArts, spending too much time and doing things you are good at (technically I’m not good to begin with). And she observe I work late every night till 2am, and so being an concerned parent, with worries of me entering the hospital again, she insisted that I not serve.

Yes I agree I love doing sound and love music as well (these are skills I’m somewhat equipped with), but doing these things for the sake of the gospel is hardly comfortable. It is easy to do these things for my own recognition and my own enjoyment, after all that’s what a chao lang is good at, but keeping your conscious clear, doing it constantly with servant-hood is impossible for me if not for His Grace. If I as a volunteer have already been taken out of my comfort zone by just being involved for a few days, I dare say project serve would bring me exponentially further form my comfort zone everyday.

So I asked how is Project Serve different from working overtime and sometimes even to the weekends in the normal environment. And once again she would say a Christian environment is a protected environment and I won’t get to experience the “full intensity of sin”.

Then I again, I stood back and think, would not sin be present even among Christian as well? Is there even suppose to be a level or intensity against sin? Sin is sin, there is no bad sin or worst sin, they just manifest in different forms (Gal 5:19-21). In the working place, it can be outwardly harming others for one’s benefit. In church, it’s even subtler. We often see good deeds done, but we never see the motives behind it. I would say it is hard to deal with sin in both environments, one in an environment where you are tempted to sin, another environment where there are chances of false assurance. Either way, we’ll just have a fair share of exposure to sin, either way we have to guard our hearts.

She later links it to say that these skills that you learn will then enable you to be an efficient ministry worker. But as I pondered further about what she said, I begin to question, if we say that the gospel is sufficient, would wanting to get a job or taking other qualifications for this reason prove otherwise?

And so I asked, and she said, “the gospel is sufficient for your living, but in order to reach out to the people in the world, you will have to further equip yourself.”

I couldn’t totally agree all the statement she said. I find that you do not necessarily need work experiences or certain qualifications to share the gospel. Yes, these are helpful (and yes I should be reading the papers more often) to create a heart bridge, but these are not everything. If I have all these and no knowledge to share the gospel, I would have worked and studied in vain. Moreover, I don’t see why I should forgo work to study the gospel; it is after all a never-ending breath that gives lives to us. Plus if finance were an issue, how would project serve not qualify as a solution?

The debate could go on and on, and it did. But the main issue was not these. It was how I could have spent my time loving my family instead of doing something else. I am busy, yes as always, but never for the right things. And it was for fear that I neglected the family that lead to this objection to Project Serve in the first place.

It took me 3 weeks to realize that the root issue behind this argument was not about opportunity cost, it was poor prioritizing and management of time. All things lead back to one verse: Matthew 6:21. I know not very clearly what I have been treasuring, for it seems to keep changing. But I know for sure that my life certainly did not reflect Christ as my treasure.

So with this problem, all that was left to do is to deal with it, since I know that this is an issue to resolve, I cannot deny the responsibility yet be accountable to God with justifiable reason. I hereby repent and pray for God to aid me in this issue, to enable me to willingly make a change, to soften my hardened heart and open my eyes from blindness of my own sin. But I have a hope, a strong hope that the Lord will continue sanctify me and challenge me to continue to think, not for myself, but for others and I am confident that he will do the same to those who believe and are struggling with sin.

Even though I prove myself to be pretty much a failure as a Christian, I certainly glad I am one, for it is no longer my own efforts to change me, but God’s. I will gladly boast in this sin, not because I proud of it (in fact I am ashamed), but because it will show clearly what the Lord has done (1 Cor 12:9) that all men might praise God for His enduring Love and never ending mercy upon a crook like myself.

Freed to Love

Freed to Love

Thanksgiving After CCIS

Dear God,

Words can’t describe the gratitude and the joy I have for allowing me to have a chance to serve in short serve. Indeed, it has been an assuring yet humbling experience for me each time I serve You. Assuring because I know I am serving not for my own glory but for Yours alone (that is right in your eyes), humbling because I see how much more a better servant I could have been and how much more I could have done to live out the gospel.

I am always constantly renewed with the passion to live for Christ whenever I surround myself with people burning with passion for the gospel, somehow it is the only way I am spurred/compelled to think harder about the Christian life and about scriptures, for my passive nature forever wants to find an easier way out and ask how much is too much (when it’s never too much but always too little).

The sinful nature constantly tempts me to return to the wasted life I once lived, the life before I knew the gospel with much clarity, the life when I was still fighting for my own glory, in pride and self-centeredness, for that seems far easier, and more ‘natural’. Sometimes I wished I never knew SYFC, never knew knowing Sebastian and Alwin, never served Mimby, REW and SWAT, even wished never knowing You, because it is because of your revelation of Your Word to me that started this struggle in the first place, to keep me wanting to stop living in sin and yet prone to sinning, because I know I have to account to you for every deed under the sun. But on second thought, it is pointless whether I had these opportunities to know you or not:

Romans 1:19-20: For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.

Therefore, even if someone was born without any Christian background, they have no reason to justify their ignorance to You, what more me, a person whose mother and brother are Christians, who have learned your Word enough to know the gospel, and served alongside with many role-model servants who died to self daily? After all that has been said and done, how can I continue living a sinful life and justify myself before you? How can I still enjoy sinning when it is clearly wrong and an abomination to You? How can I choose not to struggle to live out the gospel?

“The corruption of sin is far-spreading, evident in all parts of life. But the redeeming work of Christ on the cross is so complete, that the Christian can be freed from the bondage of sin, to live and to die for the sake of the call.” – Seb Kwan

Will I still be able to have any reason for indulging in sin, after what you have done on the cross to save us from domain of darkness into the kingdom of light.?How can I take for granted the very fact that my life was bought at a price? It’s a costly price, not just a life, but Your life! To save us from living in sin, you humbled your status as God and made yourself NOTHING.

II Corinthians 8:9: For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.

After all that you have done to undeserving people like me, to say that I want to live a sinful life would make me deserving of eternal punishment and suffering in hell. The thought that I had actually did that in the past, makes me want to put myself in a punishment far more worse than crucifixion and eternal separation from God. Because that is utter foolishness, to been saved from the fire and yet want to go back in to get burned.

Indeed Lord, I foresee that the days to come will be one that is so difficult to keep my focus on you, will be days that will be stormy and dark, days that will be sometimes lonely and sometimes hard to live. Lord I’m still very hesitant to go back to school, to go back to face the world of sin, to be distracted by the things my sinful nature desires that never fails to correspond with what the world has to offer, for it is sin that causes me to stumble and fall.

But yet it is sin that Grace is then so precious and so wonderful, for your grace never fails to pick me up when I fall to sin, grace that not restrain me from sin, but also allow me to draw closer to you

The days would be tiring as I continue to struggle with myself to try to serve one master which is you and not my passions. Nevertheless, I know Lord that this struggle is worth it. For You are far greater than what my sinful has to offer, far greater than recognition and fame, far greater than wealth and riches, and far more satisfying than making a name for my own glory. Lord, I want to continue to struggle to live for You, so that I can appreciate the rest and peace you give even more in my weariness and heavy burdens, so that I may naturally give you the praise you deserve when I can truly experience enjoyment in you. For You are most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in You.

By Your Grace,

Leon

The Mountain

I want to build a house up on this mountain
Way up high where the peaceful waters flow
To quench my thirsty soul
Up on the mountain


I can see for miles from this mountain
My troubles seem so small they almost disappear
And Lord, I love it here,
Up on the mountain.


My faith is strengthened by all that I see
You make it easy for me to
believe up on the mountain
Oh, up on the mountain


I would love to live up on this mountain
And keep the pain of living life so far away
But I know I can't stay
Up on the mountain


I said I'd go, Lord, wherever You lead
For where You are is where I most want to be
And I can tell we're headed for the valley
My faith is strengthened by all that I've seen
So Lord help me remember what you've shown me
Up on the mountain


You bring me up here on this mountain
For me to rest and learn and grow
I see the truth up on the
mountain And I carry it to the
world far below
So as I go down to the valley
Knowing that You will go with me
This is my prayer, Lord
Help me to remember what you've shown me
Up on the mountain
Up on the mountain


I cherish these times up on the mountain
But I can leave this place because I know
Someday you'll take me home to live forever
Up on the mountain

JUST A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE

Refrain:
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,

Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.




Verse1:
I am weak, but Thou art strong;

 Jesus, keep me from all wrong;

I’ll be satisfied as long

As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.




Verse2:
Through this world of toil and snares,

 If I falter, Lord, who cares?

Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.




Verse3:
When my feeble life is o’er,

 Time for me will be no more;

Guide me gently, safely o’er

To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.

Find more artists like Randy Travis at MySpace Music

Izit Cannot, Dunno How or Just Unwilling?

After talking and discussing with my mother about various issues, I have come to realized I have hardly took the first step of a redeemed Chao Lang.

Jialat

They were many things that had to be address, but they all fall under 3 categories:

1. Self - Discipline
2. Self - Control
3. Time Management

simple as they may sound, these are the 3 issues that makes me a chao lang, someone who disregard people, someone who spends time on unnecessary things, someone who likes to stay in his comfort zone. My blog profile still has the best description even after 5 years.

They were many things we talked about, one was project serve VS working, another was Diploma-Plus program (a program that offers you to take 2-3 diplomas in your course of studies).

In the area of Self-Discipline, it was in the area of constantly loving people. To have the discipline to do what is good for the family. Simple housework like refilling the water boiler when its empty, like washing clothes and hanging them to dry, or even simpler things like tidying up my room was more a chore than a joy to do. Which lead me to think why I did not even think about these simple ways to love my mother and brother, why I did not think of die to self just to help to lighten the burden from them? Worse still, it was my holidays, 80% of my time are spent at home, why then did I not do it?

In the area of self-control, it would be computer gaming. From secondary 4, I 'devoted' never to touch computer games ever again, remembering my weakness to computer games. Never had I expect myself to be so complacent, to get L4D installed on my macbook (given that installation process of a piece of cake), and run the big risk of getting addicted again, which unfortunately I did. I won't blame that friend who gave me L4D, it's not his fault, it was my lack of self-control that put me in this situation. And simply because of this addiction, I found myself neglecting God, neglecting other people. The time I had to spend time with God, meet up with people were all spent on this unnecessary thing called computer game. How foolish can I get seriously!! It was not a matter of no time, but rather the wrong allocation of time.

Which goes to the next problem of poor time-management. I have to fully agree that in my case, it is not a matter of no time, it's just poor time management, whether it is caused by too much computer gaming, or too much time wasted on unnecessary rest/sloth. Which was the reason why I appeared to be so busy, staying up late at night and waking up at 9-10am in the morning. I really appreciate Randy's questions on:

"What are your free time for?"

Are they for playing computer games? For oversleeping and slacking? For going out on meaningless bus rides? Or for staying at home and surfing useless sites?

Woe to me, for wasting my life. Woe to me for neglecting the love for God and Men. Woe to me to desire to go back to be slave to sin and be the Self-centered man I was.

Project Serve VS Working

I'm glad to have this one more opportunity to talk to my mother, to clarify our misunderstandings and to challenge each other. Well, the reason for the objection was basically the 3 major problems mentioned. Worried that I might become more busy and more negligent for my health and the family, objections aroused for me to join. I have to admit, this was the problem that gave rise to fear and objections to join project serve.

Still one think I could not fully understand was the point of working. My mom presented her opinion by saying that it is good to work to gain experience from the REAL world (the world that looks at results and capabilities), to get me to struggle in it and therefore learn to be more self-discipline, practice more self-control and learn prioritizing and Time-Management. That through working, I will be able to appreciate how difficult it is to work and earn your own pocket money and do housework and therefore better empathize with her.

But would not working made me equally or more busy, equally or more negligent of the family? Will I not struggle, and be burdened with these 3 issues even in project serve? Will I not be able to experience working life with countless deadlines to meet and certain expectations to meet? Would not life be as hard/ even harder to depend merely on the funds you raise from Project Serve?

Then she would say, "You are still protected in the Christian environment, but the real world are non-Christians too."

Apparently she thought that I was project serving...which goes to show how 'much' I bothered to spend time with the family or even care for them. So, I had to explain that I was a volunteer, not a Project Servant and that is why I looked 'protected'.

So the conversation ended with this, "Now is not the right time. But you can still serve in future."

It felt dissatisfying a conclusion to get, not that I insist of joining Project Serve only, but rather I disliked this answer, there are just some things that just can't wait. I fear that I will get the same answer for the request to join full-time in future, be it SYFC, be it in Campus Crusade or in Church, or even when planning to get married to a godly wife.

• "Now is not the right time. But you can still go full-time in future."
• "Now is not the right time. But you can still find and marry someone else in future."

I will continue to pray and ask for joining project serve (Mom wouldn't like this). And as I do so, I will deal with the 3 issue that badly affects the way I live my life as a Christian.

So how now?

Some things I could start with was to be observant and take initiative to serve. Be less passive and more pro-active to do what is glorifying to God, and loving to people. One of which could start simply with the way I treat the family, to be specific, housework. The way I honor and care for my family by maintaining the house could be a loving act to ensure that the family and sometimes friends can come into a neat home, rather than a pig sty, a place for fellowship and rest, not a place with dirt and germs. To ensure that the family has cleaned, crisped clothes to wear everyday, and to lower the difficulty level of finding items.

Basically to keep myself occupied in doing things that glorify God and love people so much so that I become too 'busy' for computer games.

In terms of Time-management, it would be under the category of living out the life of a godly student. To be responsible in studies, working hard and troubleshooting and set good examples as students. To be humble and loving to one another, looking out for needs of my classmates (could be in terms of studies), to be thanking God with both good and bad results, and be blameless before the lectures and classmates.

Time management is essential here, by prioritizing what needs to be done first, and making good use for time, I can then have a more time to do ministry, as I hope to. To learn to die to self in the area of doing what needs to be done, not what I like to do and also knowing the difference between them (like finishing homework, before playing soccer).

I guess the ultimate motivation for doing all these things is Christ. Because we are now redeemed by the blood of Christ, now new creations that belong to God. We live a life that love God and love people, a live with a all-embracing, soul-satisfying passion for Christ even in the simple things we to do. I'm glad the Lord showed me ways to take the first step of a redeemed Chao Lang, now it is whether I willing/brave enough to take it or not, be willing to die everyday for the sake of Christ.

So Izit Cannot, Dunno How or Just Unwilling?

Laments of a Band Leader

I thank God for my ability to play every single instrument in the band, not just play them, but more or less grasps an understanding of how they work together when playing a song.

I thank God for giving me a decent understanding of music, and having many great friends to help me to arrange a song that would bring out meaning out of every worship song.

I thank God for putting me in this position as a band leader and making me make countless mistakes, for in my weakness in leading a band, I will no longer boast in my own abilities, acknowledging that it is God who is at work.

I thank God for such forgiving band members each time I failed. It pains me to short-change them of their service to God in music. And it worries me if I am really pointing the band back to God, or to music instead.

I am a failure at explaining music to other people. Especially to bigger groups of people, it is so hard to explain musically. It’s so hard to tell people when to play this and when not to, so hard to explain why it must be played this way and not the other way. So hard to coordinate everything together, guess I’m not good at multi-tasking.

Maybe it’s just me having a high expectation as a musician, not thinking of me being called first as a Christian. Somehow, music always seems to overtake my main calling as band leader, not just to make sure that everyone is down for practice, but more importantly using music to minister to fellow Christian, teaching them the ‘ways of serving’ in Christ.

It is so hard to strike a balance between musical standards and servant hood. On one hand you hope that the focus of worship and worship practice is God, on the other hand you hope that the band can play decently well enough so that the congregation may not be distracted by their mistakes, as representative of a All-powerful God. On one hand, you hope to bring out certain feel to put the congregation into the ‘mood’ of worship; on the other hand, you have to keep it simple so that the members can play them.

There were many times, I wished I could work with a smaller group of people, maybe just one, just a piano and a guitar (myself), or maybe the bass too. It’s just so hard to coordinate so many people to play 8 songs in 2 hours. Time was just so against me.

There were times I wished I could work one on one with my band mates, to allow them to understand the musically behind every song, where to build up, where to break down, what to play for verse and chorus, and how to bring out the lyrics in a song, and why all these?

There were times I wished I could allow them to understand the meaning behind each lyric, and teach them biblical lessons through every song. Where they will not only grow in musicality, but more importantly, in their faith in God, that their joy in God can be completed even through the use of music.

There were times I wished I had someone to train my properly to lead a band, so that my band members won’t have to suffer with me in my failure to do so. I pray that this band may continue to hold strong with the ultimate purpose of glorifying God with music.

There were times; I wished I had been more responsible as a bandleader, to make more preparations before practice. Less we waste time dealing with confusion of chords and flow of music.

There were times I wished I could practice with each one of them individually, interact and get to know each one of them better, not just in terms of musical skills and preference, but in terms of their life, struggles to be a Christian, and if possible, encourage them.

Once again, I have to remind myself that this is God’s work, not mine. Therefore, God ultimately determines every result; we have no control over what will happen during practice or worship itself, just today the Kurzweil Stage Piano blacked out half-way through the practice, and we spend 30 minutes trying to get the power back. Apparently the power cable was loose and had to be twisted and bend at a certain precise angle in order to work. In the end, thanks be to God, we had an upright piano in our practice venue, so the pianist was still able to practice with us.

This incident I guess, it is pretty much a clear example of God being the one who determines the result. None of us expected the Kurzweil to black-out. Nevertheless, God was ultimately still in control of that situation, and was merciful to provided us with the upright piano to resume our practice with the pianist (though it meant the pianist getting off her chair frequently when we made changes). Even though I know not of what would happen to the Kurzweil this Sunday, I pray the Lord’s will be done, knowing and trusting that everything is still in control.

I guess this implies also that my wishes may or not may not come true. Maybe after posting this ‘complain’, I might be removed from the ministry as a band leader, or even as a guitarist, I don’t know. But I will continue to pray that the Lord may be glorified in my weaknesses, not really musically, but more so in leadership, discipline and ministering to other people, or simply just relating to people, that I may never boast in anything else but in Christ alone.

So do pray for the band:

1. That they will continue to work hard, perservere to play good music to glorify God.
2. That they will have a clear focus of magnifying God, pointing every song back to God.
3. That they will grow in their understanding of M-U-S-I-C
4. That God will work in each one of them to be greater servants in Christ