Day 6 & 7

Friday 23rd September, 9.39am GMT +1

On the a££ord van, going to London now, it will be 3 hours drive there so that means more time to write down what has happened during the 2 I didn’t write about because the schedules were getting tighter.

In case some of you were wondering why I’m starting to blog again, it is because I have to document the whole trip down, it’s part of my job, apart from being the cinematographer, engineer, and a performer here. I may or may not be using this blog as an official documentation depending on how personal these post are but oh well, hopefully this will help in allowing me to write-up a proper straight document on the trip.

Another reason for this is so to keep you guys updated on what we are going through here. I guess also a way to keep my family and friends informed the events here so they won’t worry too much.

Well, the last 2 days were rather straightforward, it has more or less conformed into a routine similar to that Day 6, only that this time round we have found a new place to eat. A little restaurant at the Chancellor’s Building called Comus - The chips there are not too bad, prices there is slightly cheaper (£4.95 instead of £7.75) but yes it is still expensive – and Le Café, a Café where you can try out their thin-tasting hot chocolate.

Well, in terms of rehearsals it is more or less about the same structurally, trying out stuff with Crystal Garden and the other synthesizers and see which instrumentation works best for them.

New addition to our instrumentation is the MIDI Wand and the EMS Synthia.

The MIDI Wand is made up of an antenna and a receiver that is used as a MIDI controller. A MIDI Controller is a device that controls certain parts of the synthesizer, like it’s volume, pitch, modulation and more. In our case, we used it to control pitch, basically the further away the antenna goes from the receiver the higher the pitch goes. But the processes behind it are far more complicated than that, so I won’t try to explain.

And the EMS SynthiA, your traditional analog synthesizer, just yesterday I was trying it out. It’s a pretty awesome piece of instrument, with everything wired using a circuit board and pins. It’s like adding inserts on a channel except you don’t do it with a mouse click but with pins and a substantial understanding of how the electrical signal travels in the circuitry.

It was considered one of most portable analog synthesizer of it’s time, we will know why one we see the real analog synthesizers (which can probably occupy the space of my study table in my room). These days you don’t see analog synthesizers much, since everything is digitalized, in fact you can have a equivalent of more than 20 of these synthesizers on a Macbook (they won’t sound the same as analog synthesizers though). Nevertheless doing things the old skool way can be fun if you are patient enough to explore possibilities of different sounds.

Apart of that, a few modifications to our sound sculpture to make it easier for us to play.

We also had a session (in fact just yesterday) where we had Diego sharing with us what the Music Technology course in Keele University does. It is a possible course for me since they do sound recordings as well, though not so much on performance based but more on Sonic Arts. The video will explain…

So yes, that’s mainly what has happened over the last 2 days. Well, yes I forgot buy a gift for Yin Liang because it was his birthday yesterday, so yea..Happy Birthday Yin Liang.

I certainly hope today would be more exciting even as we go to London to check out some instrument shop and to see Ravens at the Tower of London. Will be posting up some footage of London so stay tune…

Day 5: Meeting The Keele Guys

Well, things are starting to conform to a routine, starting the day with breakfast at 8.30am at the Hawthorns restaurant, then heading to the studio to practice. Then lunch, sometimes in town, otherwise improvised (just like today where we had chips and coke for lunch..lol!) and then dinner either at The Sneyd Arms or in the hostel eating cup noodles.

How did we get chips for lunch? Well, our practice was 'interrupted' today because we had to meet some of the Keele guys for a meeting to discuss the upcoming plans for the Keele tour, well, the following video will explain everything...

So yea..these are the guys whom we are working with, basically if there's one thing to describe what we do, it would be Sonic Arts. (Amos Chua would be excited about this :P). Well, although plans have more or less been made, I believe thing will change, because we always end up improvising most of the time. I think this entire trip will end up teaching us how to improvise our way around UK should we return back to this place.

so yes, apart from receiving chips and stuff, we have of course new stuff to our sound sculpture and our instrumentation...a big thank you for Mr. Diego for letting us use his collection of 'noise making objects'

And apart from this, a new software on iPad (programmed by Michael Spicer) - Crystal Garden. Perhaps one of the hardest thing to play along with. Most of the sound it produces is mainly either random, or in a pattern of which on the programmer himself understands. Oh well, so much for generating possibilities.

Well, perhaps you might be wondering what I am playing in this group, well, apart from the mixer (of which Valarie is slowly taking over my job), I am playing an instrument I call the Feedback Synthesizer - A synthesizer you use when you do not have one.

How does it work? Well, basically in my case, this Feedback Synthesizer is made up of guitar pedals, connected in a loop, such that the signal travels from one point to another and is routed back to the beginning point, as you see in the picture. Guitarist will ask this - how then do you get sound if there no input of sound, what then will make it have sound, the answer - noise.

Basically in any circuitory, in any cable or any pedals in this case, there bound to be electrical resistance/impedance(Ω), and this causes noise, but because we use good stuff, this noise are more or less not perceivable. So we use either a overdrive or distortion pedal to boost this noise so that we get the feedback we want.

How feedback works:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audio_feedback

So let's see the parts that makes up my version of the feedback synthesiser..

Transparent Overdrive - One of the pedals that can help boost noise to create feedback, this one gives me a warmer tone as compared to the fuzz or distortion pedal.

Distortion Pedal - either the overdrive or distortion would suffice, but because I wanted to explore more possible timbres, so I added it in, I end up having 2 of the drive pedals most of the time.

Wah Wah pedal - This is actually a mini wah, but any wah pedal will do. basically it makes it easier to change the pitch of the feedback, use this at your own risk, this one can get very nasty..

Chorus pedal - Any modulation like Phaser, Flanger, and Tremolo is possible as well. this is actually optional, I end up using this like a Vibrato pedal so that I can add colour to the tone of the synthesizer to sound almost just like tone-wheel organ with tremolo.

Delay - This one's outside the circuitry of the feedback synthesizer, as a external effect to reduce the harshness of the feedback tone, as well as to add some eerie effects to the synthesizer when you slide between pitches, also has a modulation to create siren effects, very interesting tone you can get from this.

Truth be told, I have yet to be able to tame this animal, the feedback synthesizer I would say is the hardest instrument to play because it is hard to gain control of feedback. Moreover, playing this too much may run into a risk of offending people too. (Especially Sean Chan :P)

Well, looks like I'll need more practice with this instrument, hopefully we can stil use this instrument to play on the actual performances, there's beauty in this instrument if it's tamed properly, hope to be able to use this in my next song production. :D

Day 4: Bus trip to town

20 September 20, 2011 10:32am GMT +1 DST

Waiting for a video to upload, on iMovie to Youtube 3hours remaining, to Facebook 4 hours 57 minutes..haha, so much for uploading a HD video (I didn’t even record them in HD :P) Watching the rain fall outside my window, looks depressing to some, but really go guys should try walking in the rain, it’s really cool. The rain drops here aren’t as painful as the ones in Singapore, plus like every other cold countries, it is warmer when it rains since the storms clouds traps the heat inside.

The trip seems to be getting busier and busier by the days, with more plans more or less settled and implemented. Somehow Michael and Mike seems to be make their plans for the day on the day itself, purely improvisational indeed. But somehow it works out.

Just yesterday we had our second rehearsal this time round with our electronic instruments (Pedalboards, Laptops, Keyboards, Synthesizers), and the following is some of the little toys we have setup.

Will upload some of our rehearsals videos as soon as possible…

So after we went back to Yates’ (again) to have lunch. Only this time round we took a bus down to town! YAY!

It’s cost £3.50 to buy a return ticket to town, now I really appreciate the transportation fees here in Singapore, which at most would go only up to $ 2.20 at most, I think. Bus number 25 was the loop service bus we took from Keele to the bus interchange in town.

I guess we pretty much traveled the full journey of the bus, the bus-stop near our hostel was the last bus-stop before the bus loops at the roundabout back to the interchange in town. So, it getting to town was pretty straightforward.

So after we had lunch at Yates, we went to look for items to build our sound sculptures – basically an instrument made up of recycled materials such as CD racks, washers, wooden boards and other things you find in your junkyard or garage, mainly played by wither hitting or scraping. The idea is to repurposing an item in a musical context.

I have actually videoed the shopping experienced down, so enjoy.

Well, right now, we are waiting for either the rain to stop (which is highly unlikely) or for a car to come, so that we can proceed on to our practices in the venue. Watching pretty interesting show, Jeremy Kyle show (by iTV show) is the name I think, basically like a show for couples to confess their secrets to one another or something, from having affairs 5 people to sleeping with 10, or being honest and not done anything of that sort. You’ll have to watch it to understand.

It quite tragic though to see so many couple face off with this issue, watching the show, some questions that kept popping in my mind, how did they chose their boyfriend/girlfriend and why? It’s strange that couples are hiding so many things form another. Shouldn’t BGR be a time a where a couple explores the possibility of spending a life-time with one another faithfully? Wouldn’t that make honesty and trust the core a relationship? What ever happened to faithfulness?

Sigh, the impact of sin…left so many people blind to these truths, I only wished I could have told them these things that we have learn.

Oh, time for me to leave this place, will continue to update you guys and upload video. Stay tuned.

Day 3: Exploring Keele

Monday 19 September 2011 GMT (+1) Day Light Saving , 7:44am

First time, being able to sleep at 9.30pm and wake-up at 5am woots! Haha…somehow UK seems to allow me to have better sleep discipline than in Singapore. Maybe’s just the weather..

Probably also because of the walk in the woods yesterday that tired me out quite a bit. Yes, there are a hiking routes in Keele University, like the one in Macritchie reservoir, only cooler and damp. That’s what you get for being in the largest campus in UK.

And yes, because of the hike, I have just been given the role of being cinematographer of this trip (with a SONY camcorder…). So yes, I might upload some of videos of us pretty soon once I’m able to get it into a format where I can edit it.

Anyone knows how to convert MTS files to MOV?

We had our first rehearsal yesterday as well, haha..it was really tough to have only acoustic instruments to play around with. For those who brought their own trumpets and flutes, things were easier for them, for us who had electronic instruments (bass guit, elect guit, pedal boards etc.), we had to figure out something else.

I starting to appreciate the campus size of Singapore Poly..haha. Getting from the hostel to the student union (the nearest provision store), is probably twice the distance of T4A (Main Library) to T20 (Business Block). But it’s great exercise that makes you sweat, literally, in cold whether.

Yes, I was sweating in UK while walking in the temperature of like 10 degrees Celsius. A weird feeling to have sweat on your back and having your hands almost numb from the cold at the same time. It’s really weird, but yes that was how it was.

Well, yesterday was pretty much exploring the campus of Keele university, going around to different places where we were to conduct our workshops and conferences. Truth be told, I wasn’t able to navigate my way round the campus, there were way too many turns and too many buildings and studios to go to. I’m not even sure which building I should be at today..haha. Oh well, going to follow the crowd then.

Today, should be the first day of orientation, so we’ll be expecting more people in the campus today. Finally, no more L4D campus!

Photos:

The transition of Summer To Autumn

Bees - What sprained Ying Liang's back

Brotherhood

Sisterhood

Videos:

Settling In Keele

5pm GMT 0 – 17 September 2011

Feels as if 2 days has come and gone, although it was merely a day. The 16 hour flight is finally over. This is the very first time I did not enjoy sitting down, especially if you have to do so for 17 hours in total. I didn’t really get much sleep in the first flight as it was just hard trying to adapt, eventually I gave up trying to sleep but instead tire myself out so that I may rest on the second flight and not suffer from jetlag.

Because of our late arrival to Doha airport, our second flight was also delayed, not just by 20min, but I believe by an hour. During that time I kept having the feeling that we were about to fly, hence I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to consciously see the plane take off. So at every interval of ten minutes, I end up waking up and sleeping, waking up and sleeping. Thus, when the plane finally took off, I had trouble trying to sleep for the next four hours.

So in total, I had 2 hours of sleep from the first flight, another 2 hours from the second, 3 breakfast meals, 2 visits to the toilet. And when we finally arrived at Manchester Airport, we were so exhausted that we were strolling to the arrival hall, the consequence of that - a very long queue. Plus an uncooperative nose was not helping the situation (even now I’m still sneezing and sniffing), due to the lack of proper rest. But nevertheless, I am waiting for the sun to set first before going to bed, to ensure that I totally tired to be able to have a good sleep on a proper bed this time round.

Today, after we finally cleared the checkpoint, a friend of Michael Spicer, Mike as well as his wife greeted us. They will be our tour guide as well as our scheduler for this tour to Keele University.

The temperature in Keele here is awesomely cool and chilly; it’s slightly colder than Melbourne though not as cold as Tasmania or China (though I believe it will get much colder as night falls). As of now in Keele, I already seeing smoke coming out of my mouth as I talk, but strangely, I’m able to cope with the whether even with just a polo shirt and jeans (only if it doesn’t rain).

Over here, a standard license should be able to allow you to rent a 16-seat van and drive it. This was how we were driven out of the airport today before it had to be returned. It was a pretty powerful van, only that it’s speed was limited to 600mph(close to 100km/h), but nevertheless, it got us safely to our hostel in an hour or so.

After we unloaded our stuff into a random conference room (since the hostels weren’t ready for check in). We had quite a fun time looking for a place to eat lunch today, the originally plan was to eat around Keele Village which was where our hostels were. The food outlets there were only a 20min walk away from our hostels. However, and unusually as well, the eating-place we wanted to go to was closed (and from what I overheard, will no longer we open on the weekends like it used to do). So we went to the other side of New Castle under Lyme to find another eating-place, only to realize it was not open as well!

So, as improvisers, Mike and his wife changed their plans and drove us down to New Castle On Lyme, where we found malls and many restaurants open. So, there were many options to what we can eat, from Chinese food, to fast food, to some Thai dish, of which we chose western food since it was hat we also came here to try.

So, we had our very first lunch in UK at a small bar restaurant named Yates’ (apparently they cater to children as well!). So yes, at first sight, the restaurant was quite a culture shock to me, seeing shelves and shelves of beer bottles and wine and even Carlsberg Beer dispenser. But thankfully they don’t just serve beer, they serve plain water too, for free and of course they have good food as well.

Should you ever visit this place, you should try their BBQ Chicken Melt. Though their quantity may be a bit small, but for the quality is really worth it. The unusual thing about this restaurant is the Two Meals offer (should you want to order a meal from this place, you should order two if it instead of just one). Take for example, a set of BBQ Chicken Melt cost 5.75 pounds but buying 2 sets cost 5.95 pounds with this offer! I wonder if the whole point of it was to encourage you to eat 2 sets all buy yourself. Given my capacity to eat and the severity of my hunger, I believe I was capable of finishing that.

And we sat there for 1-2 hours (I think), waiting for Mike to return to pick us up (because he had to return the van), and also waiting out the rain (which was intermittent). During that time I was pretty much tasting the difference between the HP Sauce and the tomato sauce, as well as taking pictures of the place and stoning on my seat (After-lunch effect).

It was not long before Mike arrived in the restaurant and he came to fetch us with a camper’s van - an awesome van that has it’s own kitchen build in it (Basically like a caravan only that the driver’s seat and the bed is all in one vehicle)! The catch was, it could only sit 6 people in total, and we had 12. Hence we had to split up into 2 groups where one group will leave first while the other waits for the second trip. I opted not to go off first because I saw that there were other people in need of rest than I was, and by that time, the rooms were I guess more or less ready to be checked in.

So seven squeezed into the van and left, while 5 waited. So while waiting, the five of us – Clara, Gabriel, Michael, Valarie and myself talked about our rough travel plans this week and had insights to Michael’s traveling experience in his younger days of how he had to be in different countries and even continents almost everyday, touring about with Redgum and his keyboard playing days and how he had been in most of the UK states except the central parts like Italy and Austria.

And so, the van came back for us to bring us back to the hostel. But our journey to the hostel was not a direct one. We had a couple of sidetracks and ‘distractions’ that made this journey back home more interesting than usual. Near the Student’s union, we met a group of Chinese students form China who were struggling their way uphill with two huge luggage. Having an urge to help, Mike stopped the van and offered to help them. So we loaded their luggage up the van and drove them to their destination at the Arts Center.

The next diversion was an interesting one, we happened to be passing by a building called the Darwin Mansion, and I don’t know if Michael request Mike for a tour of this place, but Mike stopped and let us take a few photos of this Mansion/Castle. Apparently, Keele University was build upon this Darwin’s Mansion and expanded to what it is today. Looking at this Mansion and the space around it seriously made me wonder how rich the Englishmen were, being blessed with financial wealth to build and live in one of these.

So after taking pictures of the building and it’s garden, we got back to our hostels to check in and to remove our bags from the conference room. We were told before this trip that we were going to share bedrooms with another partner, which meant 2 in a room. Surprisingly, that was not the case (I guessed they had enough rooms to house the 13 of us). We each had our own private rooms! What pleasant surprise that was.

I seriously thank God for his provision of a wonderful room here, you have no idea how much I love this place, The Mews. Firstly, because it is at the ground floor, so I won’t have to carry the luggage up the stairs (there was no lift).

Secondly, the room had sufficient provisions, a comfy and tempting bed (with two pillows (Y), one to sleep on, one as a bolster), soup and shower foams, towels, a water boiler, a cup and a tea spoon, a heater which actually works, a water heater of course, and a cupboard wit racks and hangers to store my clothes neatly. Other luxuries that came with it was a bath-tub (though I didn’t have a need for it), a tissue paper (that came in handy for my running nose), tea bags of different flavors, coffee powder, white and brown sugar, and an awesome chocolate abbys drink hopefully can bring back to show you).

Thirdly, I was close to everyone; hence visiting one another was just a simple walk next door or next floor. So I’ll be getting some cup noodles soon for our cup-noodle gathering, hopefully tonight or tomorrow night.

Fourthly, right next to our place was a wonderful lounge, where there is Wi-Fi for me to post these blog post, as well as chairs and tables to sit down and talk, and of course really hospital reception that would cater to your request where possible and show you around the Keele Management Centre. Hence, if anyone is worried if I coping well here, rest assured I am not just well provided, but maybe overly provided. (So much for packing so many things in the luggage, I end up only using my toothbrush and toothpaste.)

After a short break of 2 hours or so, I also joined Johannes and the rest – Sandy, Anna and Zheng Jie, to the gym. Well, yes there is a gym but it is in the campus, so it’s about a 30min- 35min walk down the street to the main entrance of the campus and into the sports hall. I didn’t join them to work out so I left early along with Sandy back to the hostel (you need to sign some safety forms to use them, if you are a student, you will need to book a time slot, but since we are visitors of a conference…haha, you know.)

Well, walking back and forth the place is worth it nevertheless, not just a good exercise, but at least now I know how to get to the campus from the hostel.

So yes, it is more or less time to go for dinner, so we’ll be gathering at the restaurant next door form here. Hopefully, the food will be just as great as the one at Yates’. :)

Stay tuned for more updates…

Day 1: Trip to UK

1.50am GMT+8, 17 September 2011

A flight to Dolha takes about 7 hours , even though the departure time and arrival time is 9.20pm and 12.20pm respectively. How strange it is to be somehow travelling 4 hours back in time in an airplane. Thinking about it, if there was such thing as time traveling, this could possibly be it, only that you don’t end up in the same place of same part of the world, and that you probably can undo what you have regretted doing.

But of course, 7 hours of flight is still no joke, especially when you have another 7-hour flight after this one. One may probably get sick of the plane. But nevertheless this 7 hours proves to be one of the best time to really think and reflect and think about the things I have done, the decisions I made, some of which were thought through, others just out of emotions.

One of which was the very reason I chose to go for this trip.

One particular reason for this trip was the exemption of General Elective Module (GEM) next semester – another compulsory module that is not in anyway related to my course. In exchange for this exemption, I will have to do a documentation of this entire trip, what we have done, what we have experienced, and what we have learned from each moment of improvisation. With this exemption, I can then have more time to concentrate on other important things, such as family time, ministry work, and of course year3 work. Though it may not seem to make much of a difference - since it’s like one lesson of 3 hours in a week - but considering the fact that I don’t have to spend time revising and doing GEM tutorial, I think it worth the challenge and the trip, after all, it’s during the holidays – the period of time that I am likely to spend time on all the wrong things.

I pretty much did not know what to expect, only waiting to be surprised when I get to Keele. As far I know, we are conducting a workshop in collaboration with Keele University on Improvisation for the Year1s who has just joined the university. There will also be a couple of performances that we’ll have to do there as well as another performance after this trip on the 20^th October.

Most of our instruments are not the conventional instruments that you will see in the rock band, and even if there were, they were not played in the same style as they would have been. Many of them will be found objects of the streets, little ‘pick-me-ups’ along the way in the time of our stay in Keele, things like PVC pipes, combs, frying pans, wooden planks, are what we have to look out for. Essentially, it is mainly about turning things that are not musical by convention into something musical, like stomp only that we are not rhythm centric.

As far as lodging is concern, we will be staying in the staff hostel of Keele University, where there should be a clothes cleaning services/equipments as well as rooms for two. So being first-time in UK, it will be a very unpredictable trip for me as well as my fellow companions in Sonic Escapade (our group name btw).

So for every trip, there must be an objective right? (Now got to think of some…)

1) Learning and Practicing improvisation skills

2) Getting to know and make friends with my seniors

3) Getting to know future opportunities that Keele has to offer for musicians like myself.

4) And lastly, to enjoy being in UK.

So yea…will continue to update you guys one what’s happening here in UK with the sonic escapade team whenever possible (because our schedule is really tight).

In the meantime, some pictures...

Valerie's Platypus Soft Toy, I'm missing Big Whale, Henry and Dorphy now (my soft toys)..

Writing journal in 2 languages! Skill sia...

Making use of every opportunity to charge our laptop, this was taken at a phone booth.

Our way of entertainment, while waiting for our gate to open.

Doha Airport, ver similar to Changi Airport right?

Waiting at Changi Airport Departure Gate...

No Love, No Gain

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing - (1 Corinthians 13:3)

This verse made me pondered for a while, it made me think if I had been spending time serving in vain – not that the work of the gospel is vanity (I Corinthians 15:58: ), but rather have I used to work so hard that I end up not loving others?

It struck me hard when I see my total negligence toward the family. There were times I could have helped to release my mother’s burden cleaning the floor, washing dishes, and drying clothes. Simple things even included informing her of my departure and arrival back home, telling them my plans for the week so that they have to worry less.

If I had gave my all for the ministry, worked late at night to do sound for a event so that the gospel would be shared, but have not bothered to meet the needs of people (especially my closest ones), I would have gained nothing.

“I don’t feel like you are a part of us anymore,” my mom sighed.

If my whole life is meant to be a ministry, if I have been freed to love others (Galatians 5:13-15), why then is my love for the family neglected? How can I say I love people when clearly this is not shown in my family life?

Recently my mother, brother and I had been debating over me going to project serve instead of finding a job or taking music theory exam. They talked about how getting a job would equip me to face the world, “would allow you to experience the social experience besides getting yourself some pocket money.”

I know where they are coming from, they wanted me to be realistic, if I can’t support myself, how am I to support others? But what if there was something else that could allow me to earn pocket money, and learn to do ministry, how is that not equipping??!! I couldn’t square it off, so I insisted on.

Then she talked about me serving in PArts, spending too much time and doing things you are good at (technically I’m not good to begin with). And she observe I work late every night till 2am, and so being an concerned parent, with worries of me entering the hospital again, she insisted that I not serve.

Yes I agree I love doing sound and love music as well (these are skills I’m somewhat equipped with), but doing these things for the sake of the gospel is hardly comfortable. It is easy to do these things for my own recognition and my own enjoyment, after all that’s what a chao lang is good at, but keeping your conscious clear, doing it constantly with servant-hood is impossible for me if not for His Grace. If I as a volunteer have already been taken out of my comfort zone by just being involved for a few days, I dare say project serve would bring me exponentially further form my comfort zone everyday.

So I asked how is Project Serve different from working overtime and sometimes even to the weekends in the normal environment. And once again she would say a Christian environment is a protected environment and I won’t get to experience the “full intensity of sin”.

Then I again, I stood back and think, would not sin be present even among Christian as well? Is there even suppose to be a level or intensity against sin? Sin is sin, there is no bad sin or worst sin, they just manifest in different forms (Gal 5:19-21). In the working place, it can be outwardly harming others for one’s benefit. In church, it’s even subtler. We often see good deeds done, but we never see the motives behind it. I would say it is hard to deal with sin in both environments, one in an environment where you are tempted to sin, another environment where there are chances of false assurance. Either way, we’ll just have a fair share of exposure to sin, either way we have to guard our hearts.

She later links it to say that these skills that you learn will then enable you to be an efficient ministry worker. But as I pondered further about what she said, I begin to question, if we say that the gospel is sufficient, would wanting to get a job or taking other qualifications for this reason prove otherwise?

And so I asked, and she said, “the gospel is sufficient for your living, but in order to reach out to the people in the world, you will have to further equip yourself.”

I couldn’t totally agree all the statement she said. I find that you do not necessarily need work experiences or certain qualifications to share the gospel. Yes, these are helpful (and yes I should be reading the papers more often) to create a heart bridge, but these are not everything. If I have all these and no knowledge to share the gospel, I would have worked and studied in vain. Moreover, I don’t see why I should forgo work to study the gospel; it is after all a never-ending breath that gives lives to us. Plus if finance were an issue, how would project serve not qualify as a solution?

The debate could go on and on, and it did. But the main issue was not these. It was how I could have spent my time loving my family instead of doing something else. I am busy, yes as always, but never for the right things. And it was for fear that I neglected the family that lead to this objection to Project Serve in the first place.

It took me 3 weeks to realize that the root issue behind this argument was not about opportunity cost, it was poor prioritizing and management of time. All things lead back to one verse: Matthew 6:21. I know not very clearly what I have been treasuring, for it seems to keep changing. But I know for sure that my life certainly did not reflect Christ as my treasure.

So with this problem, all that was left to do is to deal with it, since I know that this is an issue to resolve, I cannot deny the responsibility yet be accountable to God with justifiable reason. I hereby repent and pray for God to aid me in this issue, to enable me to willingly make a change, to soften my hardened heart and open my eyes from blindness of my own sin. But I have a hope, a strong hope that the Lord will continue sanctify me and challenge me to continue to think, not for myself, but for others and I am confident that he will do the same to those who believe and are struggling with sin.

Even though I prove myself to be pretty much a failure as a Christian, I certainly glad I am one, for it is no longer my own efforts to change me, but God’s. I will gladly boast in this sin, not because I proud of it (in fact I am ashamed), but because it will show clearly what the Lord has done (1 Cor 12:9) that all men might praise God for His enduring Love and never ending mercy upon a crook like myself.

Freed to Love

Freed to Love