I thank God for my ability to play every single instrument in the band, not just play them, but more or less grasps an understanding of how they work together when playing a song.
I thank God for giving me a decent understanding of music, and having many great friends to help me to arrange a song that would bring out meaning out of every worship song.
I thank God for putting me in this position as a band leader and making me make countless mistakes, for in my weakness in leading a band, I will no longer boast in my own abilities, acknowledging that it is God who is at work.
I thank God for such forgiving band members each time I failed. It pains me to short-change them of their service to God in music. And it worries me if I am really pointing the band back to God, or to music instead.
I am a failure at explaining music to other people. Especially to bigger groups of people, it is so hard to explain musically. It’s so hard to tell people when to play this and when not to, so hard to explain why it must be played this way and not the other way. So hard to coordinate everything together, guess I’m not good at multi-tasking.
Maybe it’s just me having a high expectation as a musician, not thinking of me being called first as a Christian. Somehow, music always seems to overtake my main calling as band leader, not just to make sure that everyone is down for practice, but more importantly using music to minister to fellow Christian, teaching them the ‘ways of serving’ in Christ.
It is so hard to strike a balance between musical standards and servant hood. On one hand you hope that the focus of worship and worship practice is God, on the other hand you hope that the band can play decently well enough so that the congregation may not be distracted by their mistakes, as representative of a All-powerful God. On one hand, you hope to bring out certain feel to put the congregation into the ‘mood’ of worship; on the other hand, you have to keep it simple so that the members can play them.
There were many times, I wished I could work with a smaller group of people, maybe just one, just a piano and a guitar (myself), or maybe the bass too. It’s just so hard to coordinate so many people to play 8 songs in 2 hours. Time was just so against me.
There were times I wished I could work one on one with my band mates, to allow them to understand the musically behind every song, where to build up, where to break down, what to play for verse and chorus, and how to bring out the lyrics in a song, and why all these?
There were times I wished I could allow them to understand the meaning behind each lyric, and teach them biblical lessons through every song. Where they will not only grow in musicality, but more importantly, in their faith in God, that their joy in God can be completed even through the use of music.
There were times I wished I had someone to train my properly to lead a band, so that my band members won’t have to suffer with me in my failure to do so. I pray that this band may continue to hold strong with the ultimate purpose of glorifying God with music.
There were times; I wished I had been more responsible as a bandleader, to make more preparations before practice. Less we waste time dealing with confusion of chords and flow of music.
There were times I wished I could practice with each one of them individually, interact and get to know each one of them better, not just in terms of musical skills and preference, but in terms of their life, struggles to be a Christian, and if possible, encourage them.
Once again, I have to remind myself that this is God’s work, not mine. Therefore, God ultimately determines every result; we have no control over what will happen during practice or worship itself, just today the Kurzweil Stage Piano blacked out half-way through the practice, and we spend 30 minutes trying to get the power back. Apparently the power cable was loose and had to be twisted and bend at a certain precise angle in order to work. In the end, thanks be to God, we had an upright piano in our practice venue, so the pianist was still able to practice with us.
This incident I guess, it is pretty much a clear example of God being the one who determines the result. None of us expected the Kurzweil to black-out. Nevertheless, God was ultimately still in control of that situation, and was merciful to provided us with the upright piano to resume our practice with the pianist (though it meant the pianist getting off her chair frequently when we made changes). Even though I know not of what would happen to the Kurzweil this Sunday, I pray the Lord’s will be done, knowing and trusting that everything is still in control.
I guess this implies also that my wishes may or not may not come true. Maybe after posting this ‘complain’, I might be removed from the ministry as a band leader, or even as a guitarist, I don’t know. But I will continue to pray that the Lord may be glorified in my weaknesses, not really musically, but more so in leadership, discipline and ministering to other people, or simply just relating to people, that I may never boast in anything else but in Christ alone.
So do pray for the band:
- That they will continue to work hard, perservere to play good music to glorify God.
- That they will have a clear focus of magnifying God, pointing every song back to God.
- That they will grow in their understanding of M-U-S-I-C
- That God will work in each one of them to be greater servants in Christ
