The Mountain

I want to build a house up on this mountain
Way up high where the peaceful waters flow
To quench my thirsty soul
Up on the mountain


I can see for miles from this mountain
My troubles seem so small they almost disappear
And Lord, I love it here,
Up on the mountain.


My faith is strengthened by all that I see
You make it easy for me to
believe up on the mountain
Oh, up on the mountain


I would love to live up on this mountain
And keep the pain of living life so far away
But I know I can't stay
Up on the mountain


I said I'd go, Lord, wherever You lead
For where You are is where I most want to be
And I can tell we're headed for the valley
My faith is strengthened by all that I've seen
So Lord help me remember what you've shown me
Up on the mountain


You bring me up here on this mountain
For me to rest and learn and grow
I see the truth up on the
mountain And I carry it to the
world far below
So as I go down to the valley
Knowing that You will go with me
This is my prayer, Lord
Help me to remember what you've shown me
Up on the mountain
Up on the mountain


I cherish these times up on the mountain
But I can leave this place because I know
Someday you'll take me home to live forever
Up on the mountain

JUST A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE

Refrain:
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,

Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.




Verse1:
I am weak, but Thou art strong;

 Jesus, keep me from all wrong;

I’ll be satisfied as long

As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.




Verse2:
Through this world of toil and snares,

 If I falter, Lord, who cares?

Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.




Verse3:
When my feeble life is o’er,

 Time for me will be no more;

Guide me gently, safely o’er

To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.

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Izit Cannot, Dunno How or Just Unwilling?

After talking and discussing with my mother about various issues, I have come to realized I have hardly took the first step of a redeemed Chao Lang.

Jialat

They were many things that had to be address, but they all fall under 3 categories:

1. Self - Discipline
2. Self - Control
3. Time Management

simple as they may sound, these are the 3 issues that makes me a chao lang, someone who disregard people, someone who spends time on unnecessary things, someone who likes to stay in his comfort zone. My blog profile still has the best description even after 5 years.

They were many things we talked about, one was project serve VS working, another was Diploma-Plus program (a program that offers you to take 2-3 diplomas in your course of studies).

In the area of Self-Discipline, it was in the area of constantly loving people. To have the discipline to do what is good for the family. Simple housework like refilling the water boiler when its empty, like washing clothes and hanging them to dry, or even simpler things like tidying up my room was more a chore than a joy to do. Which lead me to think why I did not even think about these simple ways to love my mother and brother, why I did not think of die to self just to help to lighten the burden from them? Worse still, it was my holidays, 80% of my time are spent at home, why then did I not do it?

In the area of self-control, it would be computer gaming. From secondary 4, I 'devoted' never to touch computer games ever again, remembering my weakness to computer games. Never had I expect myself to be so complacent, to get L4D installed on my macbook (given that installation process of a piece of cake), and run the big risk of getting addicted again, which unfortunately I did. I won't blame that friend who gave me L4D, it's not his fault, it was my lack of self-control that put me in this situation. And simply because of this addiction, I found myself neglecting God, neglecting other people. The time I had to spend time with God, meet up with people were all spent on this unnecessary thing called computer game. How foolish can I get seriously!! It was not a matter of no time, but rather the wrong allocation of time.

Which goes to the next problem of poor time-management. I have to fully agree that in my case, it is not a matter of no time, it's just poor time management, whether it is caused by too much computer gaming, or too much time wasted on unnecessary rest/sloth. Which was the reason why I appeared to be so busy, staying up late at night and waking up at 9-10am in the morning. I really appreciate Randy's questions on:

"What are your free time for?"

Are they for playing computer games? For oversleeping and slacking? For going out on meaningless bus rides? Or for staying at home and surfing useless sites?

Woe to me, for wasting my life. Woe to me for neglecting the love for God and Men. Woe to me to desire to go back to be slave to sin and be the Self-centered man I was.

Project Serve VS Working

I'm glad to have this one more opportunity to talk to my mother, to clarify our misunderstandings and to challenge each other. Well, the reason for the objection was basically the 3 major problems mentioned. Worried that I might become more busy and more negligent for my health and the family, objections aroused for me to join. I have to admit, this was the problem that gave rise to fear and objections to join project serve.

Still one think I could not fully understand was the point of working. My mom presented her opinion by saying that it is good to work to gain experience from the REAL world (the world that looks at results and capabilities), to get me to struggle in it and therefore learn to be more self-discipline, practice more self-control and learn prioritizing and Time-Management. That through working, I will be able to appreciate how difficult it is to work and earn your own pocket money and do housework and therefore better empathize with her.

But would not working made me equally or more busy, equally or more negligent of the family? Will I not struggle, and be burdened with these 3 issues even in project serve? Will I not be able to experience working life with countless deadlines to meet and certain expectations to meet? Would not life be as hard/ even harder to depend merely on the funds you raise from Project Serve?

Then she would say, "You are still protected in the Christian environment, but the real world are non-Christians too."

Apparently she thought that I was project serving...which goes to show how 'much' I bothered to spend time with the family or even care for them. So, I had to explain that I was a volunteer, not a Project Servant and that is why I looked 'protected'.

So the conversation ended with this, "Now is not the right time. But you can still serve in future."

It felt dissatisfying a conclusion to get, not that I insist of joining Project Serve only, but rather I disliked this answer, there are just some things that just can't wait. I fear that I will get the same answer for the request to join full-time in future, be it SYFC, be it in Campus Crusade or in Church, or even when planning to get married to a godly wife.

• "Now is not the right time. But you can still go full-time in future."
• "Now is not the right time. But you can still find and marry someone else in future."

I will continue to pray and ask for joining project serve (Mom wouldn't like this). And as I do so, I will deal with the 3 issue that badly affects the way I live my life as a Christian.

So how now?

Some things I could start with was to be observant and take initiative to serve. Be less passive and more pro-active to do what is glorifying to God, and loving to people. One of which could start simply with the way I treat the family, to be specific, housework. The way I honor and care for my family by maintaining the house could be a loving act to ensure that the family and sometimes friends can come into a neat home, rather than a pig sty, a place for fellowship and rest, not a place with dirt and germs. To ensure that the family has cleaned, crisped clothes to wear everyday, and to lower the difficulty level of finding items.

Basically to keep myself occupied in doing things that glorify God and love people so much so that I become too 'busy' for computer games.

In terms of Time-management, it would be under the category of living out the life of a godly student. To be responsible in studies, working hard and troubleshooting and set good examples as students. To be humble and loving to one another, looking out for needs of my classmates (could be in terms of studies), to be thanking God with both good and bad results, and be blameless before the lectures and classmates.

Time management is essential here, by prioritizing what needs to be done first, and making good use for time, I can then have a more time to do ministry, as I hope to. To learn to die to self in the area of doing what needs to be done, not what I like to do and also knowing the difference between them (like finishing homework, before playing soccer).

I guess the ultimate motivation for doing all these things is Christ. Because we are now redeemed by the blood of Christ, now new creations that belong to God. We live a life that love God and love people, a live with a all-embracing, soul-satisfying passion for Christ even in the simple things we to do. I'm glad the Lord showed me ways to take the first step of a redeemed Chao Lang, now it is whether I willing/brave enough to take it or not, be willing to die everyday for the sake of Christ.

So Izit Cannot, Dunno How or Just Unwilling?