It has really been a long time (maybe 6 months) since I last ran like this. Otherwise, this might not have happened to me. Nevertheless, I thank God for this moment for there were many lessons I learned.
It all started with a run, a run from Ang Mo Kio station to Serangoon Community Center and if stamina would suffice, run back. At that time, I had no idea that the distance between these 2 landmarks was 3km apart! Alwin and I agreed to run together in the morning at 7am as a simple morning exercise. I suppose it is good start to keep fit since it’s the holidays, and since I have a bit more time at hand.
I started off the day with 2 thoughts in my head:
1) How do we to glorify God even in a morning run?
2) What have I not been accountable for in my life?
These 2 questions were some of the factors made me understand the reason behind these events that happened today.
Everything started fine, I did my warm-ups, I drank water, I ate a packet of biscuits to temporary relieve my morning hunger since it is not good to run with a heavy stomach. The first mistake though was not bringing my wallet. I thought that it was just going to be a simple 45min run since Alwin had to prepare for Project Serve at 9am. I never expected anything serious, it was at most just slight giddiness like those in 2.4km run.
We didn’t exactly start off from Ang Mo Kio Station, we started off 2 bus stops after the station towards Serangoon Community Center, near Alwin’s place. So we ran as the traffic light turned green, Alwin lead the way and paced me at a comfortable speed.
During the run, I randomly imagined myself in the last days, running to Jesus, where there will be no turning back, no turning back. It also got me to think about this passion we have in Christ, and how can we pursue this ONE passion of glorifying God, just as we were running to reach ONE destination, Serangoon CC. It kind of reminded me of what Paul wrote in Acts 20:24:
“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”
So this run pretty much felt the course that Paul had finished. Trying, tiring, yet with a great goal to achieve. (Though reaching SRCC is not as great a goal as bringing God glory.)
Half-way through the run, I started getting stomach aches. It was not stitch, not the same time of pain in the appendix; it was more of a need to visit the toilet. The pain was intermittent, so it was more of an annoying stomach. It was later during the run that the pain – now accompanied with stitch- became permanent. So we all agreed to stop at the community center for a toilet break before resuming our run back home. It was better to play safe than to be sorry, I thought.
After about 12 minutes of continuous running, we ‘finished the course’, we made it to the community center (it’s an assurance for me given that I manage to run about 3km within the 2.4km passing standard). By then, I had cramps, stomachache, stitches, and headache and oxygen deficiency all at the same time. I was advised to breathe in and out fully, raising and lowering my hands for my lungs to expand and contract accordingly. Well, it was still bearable for that moment. Alwin jokingly mentioned about how Nicholas (another friend who ran with him recently), had similar feelings and ended up swatting on the floor. I guess if I had done that, it might have been better.
We crossed the street, with me sharing about how we should try other forms of exercise (like swimming) next time and other random stuff like how Yio Chu Kang Chapel was so nice. At that time, I was in urgent need of a toilet and dizzy to the verge of vomiting.
“Not now, God. Not now.” I whispered.
Apparently, 7.30am was too early for a open community center, let alone its toilets. We reached serangoon CC only to find all the toilet doors LOCKED! Even the handicapped toilet was not spared. (I could have tried the female toilet but I’m not planning to make this my 5th visit to a female toilet). So groaning silently in pain and dizziness, we went to the nearby coffee shop (of which it looked like a hawker center to me in my state of vertigo). Again the doors were locked, not because it was not in operation, but because it’s occupied. At that time, I was already about to vomit and faint.
“Not now, God. Not now.” I pleaded once again. And thank God, He allowed me endure till I got to do my business.
Well, the first attempt was not successful, partially because I was constipated, partially because I lacked oxygen. A searing pain emerged from the rear-left side of my head causing my entire head to feel compressed, as if my brain expanded but was under pressure under my skull. Sitting down felt better, at least I managed to clear some undigested waste, and got my breathing rate back to normal.
I decided not to keep Alwin waiting since he had to leave by 8am. So I decided it was time to go back. We planned to walk back to our homes since I was kind of dying already. (sorry Alwin, I know I’m weak :P) I thought that the trauma would be over, but I guess God has something more in stall for me.
The moment I got up from the toilet seat, another wave of dizzy spells came to me, I thought it would go away after a while since it probably just the sudden change in posture as always, so I washed my face and walked out.
However, headache became more severe as I walked, everything around me looked pixilated. I was pretty much disoriented; I didn’t know where the CC was. I told Alwin, ”Wa..I see stars liao.” hoping it would get better.
It didn’t. The pain struck me so hard that, walking seemed an impossible thing to do. Slowly my sight depleted, the world around me turned dimmer as the color red took over my vision. We found an empty bench and quickly sat on it before I lost conscious. In no time, I totally lost sight.
I could tell that Alwin was pretty much helpless, desperately asking if I was okay and what I would do in situations like this. I was equally blur as this was my first time encountering a black-out, and I felt bad to put him in a spot like this.
Thankfully, a passer-by, at another coffee shop next to the bench (I just realized how God provides us with another toilet when I needed it the most), heard our cry and quickly called the ambulance, she offered and fed me Milo while I was still blind. I wished I could thank her for her kindness to help me in this time of darkness, but the state I was in did not allow me to speak properly or to even recognize her by sight. Another strange phenomenal was the feeling of clogged ears, as if you were on a plane taking off. Accompanying all this was a growing stomachache.
I thank God I can more or less empathize with the visually impaired people through this experience of being blind. It was felt like your eyes were closed even though you have opened them. It must have been a great shocked to these people to learn that they were blind, though ironically for me, it was cool! (I guess on the basis of knowing that I would regain sight.)
I guess this was what it meant when we were all blind to the gospel when we were sinners, blind to the obvious (I guess deaf to it as well)! It’s like how the sun, people and building around you were obviously there, yet you don’t see anything. Well, there are times of course people choose not to see them. But we should still share the gospel for there are people out there who need God to open their eyes to see the obvious, to see there God is there.
And by the grace of God, their eyes would open to see God through the obvious, his creation! Just as how I regained sight after a few minutes, to see the sun again. Hmm…maybe not the sun but my shoe and some puke in between them.
As darkness continues overwhelmed my world, Alwin asked if he could pray for me. We turned to God and prayed to him. In times of desperation like these, we (or at least I) would often overlook prayer to God. In times when we need something to depend on, we depend on other things that are not unreliable in comparison to God. I’m glad that Alwin did not. He recognizes that things were beyond our control, but he remembered that God is in control of everything (even the situation then), therefore there was no one else better than God to seek help in times like these. Though I could not really make out what he said in my semi-conscious state, I was nevertheless, encouraged to see Alwin dependence on God in action.
I guess that kind of answered the first question I had in mind before I left home. Indeed God was glorified when I received later received sight again. He demonstrated he’s ‘healing power’ on me and showed mercy by bringing an end to my blindness. At that time, I knew that I could no longer hold my puke (my stomach probably rejected the Milo I drank). So I vomited, only hearing only the sound of liquid splashing on the ground. Slowly, I began to see figures and shapes of my leg, then colors, and sharper details and then my vision was back to normal. Amazing how God actually healed me without me realizing it then.
Now that my sight was regained, it was time to deal with the stomachache. So, I got up and limped my way towards the toilet. This time round it was much better, I managed to clear a lot of waste and I felt much better after that even though the pain in the head was still prominent.
It wasn’t long before the ambulance came. At first, I thought Alwin was joking when he said that the ambulance was here. Firstly, I never expected the passer-by to call the ambulance, as I thought my condition was not fatal. Secondly, the ambulance came even before I finished by business. Looks like SCDF kept to their quota of 7 minutes waiting time.
12% of cases that the SCDF encounters were false alarm. I felt bad to be part of that 12%. For the SCDF personnel to drive an ambulance all the way here meant that there might have been one less patient they could attend to. Nevertheless, they still brought me back to the ambulance for a blood pressure test and a sugar level test (that means I can’t play guitar for the time being, my finger hurts)and asked about some background to my condition, what I have ate, how I felt before I ran, what happened next. That was where I learned that Serangoon CC was about 3-4km away from Ang Mo Kio station, I guess they were quite startled to see this ambitious guy wanting to run 3km after not running for more than 6 months. They advised me to go for a check-up either at the hospital (A&E) or the nearby private clinic (GP) to play safe. As I was in a dilemma, I inform my brother of my condition and asked for his advice(since he was redirected to A&E after visiting the clinic). We decided to have our check-up at the hospital since there was an ambulance, and there might be a possibility that the clinic might redirect me back to the hospital anyway. So they took down my name, IC number, handphone number, Home Address, and my date of birth (which ended up making me 10 days younger than I actually was).
So yup, that as how I ended up in Tan Tock Seng hospital under observation. Frankly, though, I quite enjoyed the free ride on the ambulance, the Mercedes Van sure has great horse power for this purpose, but it was the conversation between us and the SCDF personnel that made it enjoyable. We learned quite a lot on my condition, which was pretty much a over exertion and later a vertigo and how to deal with them- to lay a person sideways. It was pretty much an eye-opener, I guess that was what made Alwin more determined to learn first-aid. We also talked about their experiences in SCDF, learning they were also serving their National Service, was encouraged and assured that it was going to be an enjoyable one (at least in SCDF).
So upon reaching the hospital, they placed me on a wheelchair since it better for me not to walk with a searing pain still on my head. Sitting on the wheelchair reminded me of my younger days of how I used to be pushed around on a wheelchair while I was having my leg operation. From that experience, I have always wanted to learn how to maneuver on a wheelchair on my own. I thank God for this experience I learn how to do so. To move straight, push both wheel forward, to reverse, push them backwards, to move/rotate left, push the right wheel forward and the left wheel backwards and vice versa. It was fun pretending to be handicapped for the time being, since it was something I don’t do as a person with two legs and hands.
Well, so I was lead to the observation counter, while Alwin did the registration for me. (And I have yet to thank him for sending me to the hospital). The room was pretty much cold since I was sweaty in my attire, and was frail and expectant of some more pain to come.
“Mr Teo Yu Yong Leon,” the nurse called, and upon seeing me in perspiration and on a wheelchair she asked, “Are you in cold-sweat?”
So I explained to her about the run, how I had blacked out after running and had diarrhea. After listening to my testimony, she did another sugar level test on me (NOT AGAIN!!!) and had me place in an isolated room with a upright bed. She then took out some stickers and placed them on specific parts of my chest, my two arms and leg. Then she pulled out a bunch of wires with crocodile clips attached to them.
“Don’t worry. It is not going to be painful. Just scary because there are lots of wires involved.” She said, probably because she saw me shivering.
Well, I was not shivering because I was scared, more because I was freezing cold. I guessed she got the hint and offered me a pair of hospital pajamas to change out. That felt much better since I was not in sweaty clothing. I happened to glance back at the bed I was lying on to see the layer of paper on it wet. I guessed that’s how she got the hint.
So as instructed, Alwin took me to a place called Room 8, a place where there were many doctors. While waiting for a doctor we started talking about personal stuff like family and younger days until a call from my brother interrupted the conversation. Apparently my brother had arrived at Tan Tock Seng, so Alwin took his leave to direct my brother into Room 8.
“Teo, Yu Yong, Leon,” the doctor called. As I wheeled myself forward, he asked “Hey why is that person asking you about your family and stuff?”
“Oh, he’s a close friend of mine.” I replied as my brother joined in the conversation.
“Your brother?” the doctor asked.
“Yes, and I think we’ve met before.” My brother replied. Apparently, it was the same doctor who my brother saw when he was under observation here in Tan Tock Seng. Although the doctor did not recognized him at first, medical records later verified that my brother was a patient under him.
So the doctor had me to look at his pen as it moved in circles, do a blood test lying down, and standing up, had me to walk like I was walking on a tight rope. And had me to do a blood test twice! Well, because no blood came out when he injected the needle into my right hand, so he had to do it in my left arm (where he left a weird blue tube later in be used for the glucose drip. So I was pretty much unable to bend both arms for the time being since the pain didn’t allow me to.
And so I was kept under observation for 2 hours, in a room called Room 28. I guess it was with this 2 hours of free time I started thinking of the things I have not yet done. One of it was writing the teacher’s day wishes (sorry Sara I forgot!!!). So I kind of sms her what I had wanted to write and apologized to her, and somehow, I added that I was under observation. Soon the news spread like wildfire. Next came Valarie, then Dawn, then Gabriel, then Alicia, then Robin, then an unknown number (sorry I really lost most of my contacts). But to all of you thank you for taking some time off to sms and express your concern for me, really appreciated it. :)
My mom came down from work too to bring me an extra set of clothing and my pair of sandals. And of course, nagged at me for staying up so late all the time and having little rest.
“This is a sign from the Lord to tell you to take care of your body, the temple of God!” she warned.
I guess this was another lesson I learned, one aspect of taking care of your bodies since it is not yours to begin with but was given to us, just as it is written in 1 Cor 6:19-20:
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
So therefore, we are accountable to God with the way we take care of our bodies too.
Randy, and Alwin whom seemed desperate to know my condition (dun worry I’m fine), also sms me even in the midst of their busyness in Project Serve. Amos did too, but with a somewhat random sms that there will be practice this Monday and a reminder to pray for my friends(I guess he didn’t know of my condition yet). But nevertheless, “praying for my friends” was something that I could use this 2 hours to do, apart from eating breakfast and staring at gloomy faces of other patients.
And so I prayed to, and I have listed them in no specific order down NOT to show off how much I can pray in 2 hours, but in hope that it might encourage you that you are kept in prayer.
1. To Seb: To continue to manage his time well, and continue living right before God. To make wise choices which are pleasing only to Him.
2. To Alwin: That he might recover from his shock this morning, that he might be strengthen to do God’s work in Project Serve.
3. To Nicholas Ho: To have the courage to teach the word of God. And continue to be our “Holy Spirit”, to fellowship and continue grow with us even in busy JC schedules.
4. To Moses: Thank God for giving us a wise and selfless BS leader who has been willing to teach us despite us being difficult disciples to teach and minister to. Pray that he may continue to minister and grow more people, not only those under his care, but even those whom are not from our church.
5. To Randy: To find rest even in the midst of faithfully ministering to Christian and Non-Chirstians in Parts. Also, that he may continue to set a good example to other Christians who looks up to him.
6. To Amos: That he might be encouraged each day to continue living for Christ, that he may find someone who is willing to do so alongside with him.
7. To Florence and Ariela(somehow they come as a pair in my prayers): To manage their time well, and have good people to seek help from. And that they might both be strengthened each day to live godly lives.
8. To Mom: That even through this time of handling difficult people in the office, that she may continue to trust in the Lord to bring her through the days ahead. Also, praying for the Lord to sustain her with good health. And that she may be able to retire soon and choose to live an unwasted life.
9. To Bro: Thank God for sustaining you through NS and examinations. Pray that the Lord will continue to strengthen you as you return to work in church and resume studies.
10. To Calwin and Louis (whom I have invited for August event): That they might open and receptive to the gospel through this time of sharing from YMCA. That they will truly consider Christ and by the Lord’s Will, be saved. Praying also that the Lord may continue to be at work in their lives no matter the outcome.
11. To my DMAT classmates: Thank God for giving me such caring and forgiving classmates who still bother to care and even pray for me despite many remarks from me that have hurt them. Praying for the Christians there to be challenged to do work of God, and for the Non-Christians to come to know Christ one day.
12. To myself: To learn to be accountable to God in everything I do, in the midst of my struggle not to waste my life.
I know there were many people I missed out in my prayers, there were so many others I could have prayed for whom I didn’t, so much for having a finite brain with finite memory space.
As I was starting to doze off at the last hour under observation, I heard the mourning of a neighboring patient’s relative. It seemed like the patient had contracted some deadly disease, or it could have been cancer. Though I was not sure of the situation there, somehow the setting of the hospital, the mourning and the comforting of the nurse lead me to one word: Death.
Death can be seen as a separation, whether a separation from your loved ones through physical death, or eternal separation of God through spiritual death. Most of us ‘fear’ physical death for the separation from our love ones or simply the world; some ‘fear’ death because they don’t know what happens next, some are afraid to be judged by God (I admit used one of them).
Yet there are others who don’t fear physical death. One reason for that is our constant desire to seek for happiness. Yes, we were created to seek happiness. That is why there are people who were daring enough to commit suicide, for they find more joy/happiness in dying than living.
Blaise Pascal wrote in Pensées – “All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire both, attended with different view. This is the motive if every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves.”
Of course, none all of us can find happiness in committing suicide, that’s a fact! But for the other group of people who say “to live is Christ and to die is gain”, for Paul who wrote this in Philippians 1: 20-21, what does it mean? I just didn’t know how to explain it. The question that pondered me was how dying could be a gain when we are separated from our loves ones, or the possession we have on Earth? Is not that a loss?
Most of us see death as a separation, but death “brings us into more intimacy with Christ”. We are separated from the world yet, brought back to be with Christ. So which is better, your possessions or Christ, or to plainly put it, temporal things or eternal things to come? Or rather the better question to ask is: Where is your treasure?
Luke 12:34: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
If your treasure is here on Earth, naturally we would be unwilling to depart from your treasure here on Earth right? And aren’t these treasure here on Earth the ‘temporal things’ that don’t last. I can give you an example of such item: our mobile phone, it would eventually spoil even if we are determined not to change to a new phone right?
For if your treasure is in heaven, in a place where moth and rust won’t destroy and thief don’t break in to steal. Christ would be more valuable than these possessions you have now, your family, your work, your studies, your grades, certificates, scholarships, goals and achievements. For Christ is that treasure in heaven! So naturally, you would say to die is gain, for Christ is the ‘better option’ that you are working for.
This doesn’t mean that you should kill yourself right now. We are not our own, but God’s, it’s not up for us to decide if we should die now. There is still a another part to this which is the purpose the Lord have for us to be still living, what “to Live is Christ meant”, which my finite mind made it impossible to think and write of it now, otherwise I will be sent back to the hospital for treatment again.
Nevertheless, I thank God for using this event to get me to think of such issues as these. For teaching me to know my limits and not be so ambitious, and learn to take care of myself and make use of resting time properly. For using this time to answer the questions I had in my mind that morning.
I pray that the Lord may continue to teach us various lesson in different events in our lives and that I may mature and improve in my writing that I may be able to express these lessons I learned clearer to my readers.
